Knowing Win to Quit (That's a pun.)

I love to win.

Winning is my favorite.

Even when it isn't a competition, you can bet I'm doing everything I can to win.  My walls are actually full of imaginary awards that I've won in various non-competitions throughout my life. (Though to the untrained eye, they may look empty...)

That being said, I'm learning these days that there is a certain satisfaction that comes with admitting defeat. Throwing the towel. Looking up at the universe and shouting (only figuratively of course), "Fine, I give up!"

I first learned this lesson that fateful night in the car few years ago in an incident that I won't describe in detail.  Let's just say that nature won, I lost... and my life was changed forever. I'll never forget the exact moment I realized:

This is happening. You lose. Embrace it and move on.

I recently relived this feeling with a failed Halloween costume that I'd planned for quite a while.  As it turns out, the primary component to my outfit may or may not even exist in this universe.   Unfortunately, I'd already collected everything else that I needed and spent a good amount of time trying to make it work when I found that out.  Even then, the moment I decided it was time to let go was like the world being lifted from my shoulders.

Granted my costume may not be awesome, but my quality of life has increased with the decrease in stress to a degree that makes me wonder...

What else can I give up on?

Below is the list of life goals I could possibly let go of with their respective stress reduction percentages. I've entitled it:

Things to Let Go of with Their Respective Stress Reduction Percentages

1. Finding a Husband - 50% reduction
2. Making Money - 40% reduction
3. Exercising - 5% reduction
4. Feeding Myself - 2.5% reduction
5. Getting out of Bed - 2.5% reduction

So there you have it! Giving up on life entirely = 100% relief of stress.  If only I'd learned this sooner, I may not have wasted so much time and energy trying to get ahead or accomplish things!

Maybe one day I'll declare total defeat.  In the meantime...

I still REALLY love to win.

Accessory: (adj) Subordinate; Supplementary; Additional

Yesterday I woke up in an existential emo funk that lasted most of the day.  (This doesn't happen infrequently, but pleae don't confuse it with depression or anything close to suicidal.)  I realized that I sometimes feel exhausted from constantly trying to validate my own existence.  The fact is this: As far as my current relationships in life are concerned...I lift right out.

If I were to suddenly cease to exist, at most it would be a bummer... perhaps even an inconvenience for some.  For example, at work under certain circumstnaces it may take up to 10 minutes before someone could be available to take over my position, and my roommates would have to come up with my third of the rent.  That would be incovenient.  Beyond that, nobody would be seriously put out.  I came home and expressed this concern to one of my roommates )with an embarrassing amount of emotion) with the conversation culminating in my exclaiming...

"I'm just an accessory!"

...after which we both broke down into hysterical laughter. Yes. I'm ridiculous. But this is how it is. I would be missed in the way that one misses a bracelet that slips off unnoticed. Later they would say, "Dang it. I did like that bracelet!" then run to the mall for a replacement accessory. 

When I looked up the definition of the word, I found a few that fit pretty well with how I had originally meant it... and one that might work better.

Accessory: (noun) Something nonessential but desirable that contributes

to an effect or result.

I started to think more about what type I would be.  Maybe that's really what makes all the difference. 
I thought of three categories:

• Costume jewelry:  Pretty inexpensive and extremely replaceable. Nevertheless fun to have.

•  Heirlooms: Not always nice to look at and may never be worn, but worth keeping around for sentimental value or obligation.

• Engagement/wedding rings:  Typically expensive and symbolic of something deeply meaningful. (Also super sparkly!)

So maybe all accessories can't be counted equally.  I'm sure I'm a different kind of accessory to everyone that knows me.  Perhaps not essential to any, but in some way desirable with something to contribute to most. Good enough for now.

---------

"Accessories are important and becoming

more and more important every day." -Giorgio Armani