Proud and Humble, Success and Failure: A Toilet's Tale

This story requires a little background.  I live in a terrible house that is constantly falling apart.  (I've considered the possibility that it was built on some sort of ancient burial ground, and the late natives are breaking our stuff to get back at us.)  In addition to the ghost Indians, this house has a landlord who is none too enthusiastic about fixing things (like the time the air conditioner was out for a week, the time the fridge was out for days... twice, and the two previous occasions when the toilet was "fixed.")

So... the toilet has been running (insert the never-funny joke here: "You better catch it!") since we moved in. A year and a half ago.  I recently mentioned it to a plumber friend who told me it was likely the flush valve.

Now, there comes a point in every single woman's life when she realizes that if she plans to sit around waiting for a man, she may be waiting a lifetime.  Seeing that this was clearly the case with this obnoxious toilet, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I put on my girl power face (and a little mascara... because it never hurts in times like this) and headed to the home improvement store.

Within three minutes (and with the aid of a helpful-yet-skeptical salesman) I was on my way back with the parts I needed.  Toolbox and tunes at the ready, I was good to go! Of course in my haunted abode, the shut-off valve on the toilet didn't work so I had to shut off the entire house. Several minutes later and feeling awesome, I had the tank off and the old mechanisms removed.  A few minutes more and the new parts were all in place! (Just to be extra productive, I took this opportunity to paint the wall behind the toilet that had evidently been skipped on account of inconvenience. Yay, me!)

Feeling super accomplished, I placed the tank back on the toilet, reconnected the water line and patted myself on the back for a job well done.  

My father would be so proud. :) The End.

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...Which is where I would have ended this blog post had I not, in the very next moment, tightened a bolt just a hair too tight, causing the porcelain tank to crack. That was a problem.  Not just because it put my newly-fixed toilet completely out of commission, but because I now had a bathroom that would flood the moment I turned the water back on. 

Long story slightly less long: A plumber came to change the faulty shut-off valve so our water could be restored to the rest of the house and we'll have to find a new tank ASAP.  (He did tell me that he has done the same thing before and asked to borrow one of my sweet tools since he didn't have one.  Who's the plumber now, eh?)

Now... many of you reading this are thinking that I failed today.  At first glance it may seem that way, but let's look at the facts:

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Failures:

• We can't use the toilet for a few days.

Successes:

• The broken toilet has a beautifully functional new flush valve that I installed by myself.

• I am the proud new owner of a pair of 12" extended grip tongue & groove pliers with pretty blue handles.

• The ugly, neglected portion of wall got painted.

• I met, by far, the most attractive plumber I have ever seen. Probably in the entire world.

Am I a failure? I guess that's for each of you to decide.

The End. (Seriously.)