This topic is not an easy one for me to write about, but it's been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I feel it's important to put into words the thoughts and impressions I've been having, and perhaps it may help someone else along the way.
I was raised as (and still am) a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Many of you reading this will already know that my church strongly values the family. I grew up knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for us which is centered on the family unit, and that we will have the opportunity to be together with our families forever. I still know this with all of my heart.
As I've grown older, however, a few questions have come up in my mind regarding homosexuality. Several friends of mine, some of them very close to my heart, have found themselves in this situation. I imagine the internal struggle that must cause, to feel and desire things that you've been taught are wrong. My heart has ached for them as I've tried to put myself in their shoes. It led me to ask God, "Why?" Why would He allow His children whom He loves and wants to return to Him to feel so strongly an attraction contrary to His plan? I'm excited to share the answer I received with you. My answer is:
I don't know. It isn't for me to know.
Not helpful, you say? Well, I believe it brought me to ask the right questions. What is for me to know? What can I do? What is my responsibility to the LGBT community as a friend? as a Christian? and now as a mother?
---
1. As a Friend
This is an easy one for me. It's always so strange and shocking to me when I hear of people losing relationships with friends and even family members after confiding in their loved ones. It seems bizarre to think that something as private as sexual orientation could drive a wedge into a previously strong friendship.
Guess how interested I am in the sexual behaviors of my heterosexual friends. I'll give you a hint. It's zero. Zero percent interested. Why should my homosexual friends be any different?
My LGBT friends have each contributed something wonderful and irreplaceable to my life. What a horrible loss it would be to myself and my family to withdraw those friendships based on something that has nothing to do with me. What a terrible friend that would make me. A true friend offers love, support and kindness in spite of differences. That is my responsibility.
2. As a Christian
Just last night, I was talking with a very good friend of mine. I had been curious about her relationship with God. Her words struck me deeply. She said, "I just can't. I'm done. It's too hard. I guess I'll just go to Hell." For the record, I don't think my friend is going to Hell. (In fact, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I don't believe in Hell in its traditional sense, but that's a different discussion.) These words, however, stuck in my mind:
It's too hard.
Think about that. Living a life without romantic love or passion. That's a pretty big ask. The scriptures are clear that God does not condone homosexual behavior, but I did a little extra digging. In the Bible, the words "mercy" and "grace" are used in reference to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ a total of 105 times. Meanwhile, the terms "condemn" and "damn" (along with other conjugations of those words) are used only a total of 36 times. I don't think that's a coincidence.
In The Book of Mormon (a record of Christ's teachings in ancient America), we learn that "men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25) and "that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." (2 Nephi 25:23) After all we can do. Heavenly Father loves each of His children. He wants us all to be happy and find eternal joy, and the grace of Jesus Christ is sufficient for anyone willing to give their best.
What is their best? That's between them and their Savior. Salvation wasn't meant to be easy, but I don't believe everyone's path looks the same. Each of us comes to Earth with different situations, challenges and dispositions. Jesus Christ is the One who understands completely and perfectly what we feel and experience as individuals. He has felt it. He has paid the price.
Only He, not I, is qualified to offer judgement. What I am qualified to offer is compassion, love, and the Light of Christ through service and friendship. That is my responsibility.
3. As a Mother
Since becoming a mother, the task of raising good human beings has felt a bit daunting. The particular challenge of helping them understand gospel principles while teaching them not to judge those close to us who don't follow them overwhelms my mind. Babies are born without prejudice. I'll admit at times I've cringed at the unwashed hands my son has reached for when we've gone out. but on several occasions, someone has thanked me for stopping and allowing him to brighten their day. How can I keep from ruining that beautiful and innate attribute? The other night, the answer came in the simplest of ways. As I was rocking my little boy to sleep, I sang him a song I learned as a child:
Jesus said love everyone;
Treat them kindly too.
When your heart is filled with love,
Others will love you.
Words and music: Moiselle Renstrom
Fill his heart with love.
My love. His Savior's love. Love for his fellow humans. All of them. If his heart is filled with love, there won't be room for hate or judgement to creep in. He will learn from my example to love unconditionally. He will know that he is loved unconditionally, whatever challenges he may face throughout his life. That is my responsibility.
---
When I was younger, when the topic of homosexuality came up, I tended to have a very diplomatic "live and let love" mentality. I didn't feel it affected or applied to me. As the years have gone by and I've developed meaningful relationships with individuals with same-sex attraction, my attitude has deepened simply to "Love." (How many Paul McCartney songs do you have in your head thanks to this paragraph?) It sounds sappy and cliche, but love is the answer to each of my questions. Not tolerance. Not civility. Love.
Genuine, open, honest, respectful, charitable, understanding, friendly, Christlike love.
It isn't for me to understand why some are challenged with same-sex attraction. It isn't for me to judge the choices they make because of it. It is for me to love them anyway. To let them know that Heavenly Father loves them anyway. To be the best friend, Christian, mother and human being that I can be, and encourage others to do the same. That is my responsibility.
