Winds of Grass (or Leaves of Change?)

I had a conversation with a friend about how they hate it when a band changes their musical style. How often when you talk about music do you or someone else say, "I only like their old stuff"?

It reminded me of a few bands that have been my favorites through the years and how they've changed. I love the changes, though. It shows that they've lived. They've had experiences... good and bad... that have altered the way they see and feel. Albums that were angry, edgy or careless have become more deep and meaningful. I'd like to think that I've changed, too.

Driving home from work the other day I became distracted by the medians on the freeway. I'll never understand landscapers in Arizona. They have a tendency to kill anything green. There were patches on the median where clearly the civil servants hadn't gotten to with the weed killer yet and I found myself thinking how beautiful it would be if they let the patches of grass grow in, rather than spraying them away.

What is it about being human that makes us so afraid of change? (Of course this was my train of thought while listening to an uncharacteristic Linkin Park song watching weed-filled medians go by. And thus this post was born.) I think what scares me the most is that no change ever comes with a return policy. I want to know beforehand how things will turn out. However, I also realize that nothing good can come if I pull out the Round-Up every time something green sprouts into my dull, brown, familiar world.

Resolution: Learn to welcome changes when they come. Each makes me a more interesting person, brings color into my life and makes my figurative songs mean a little bit more.
(How's that for sappy, eh? And some of you think I'm heartless...)

Retro Resolutions

At the wise old age of 26, I think I'm finally getting the hang of this goals thing. I thought I'd figured it all out last New Year's when I decided the key was to set my expectations of myself very low. I made resolutions to do things like not gain 50 lbs (instead of hoping to lose 5 or 10,) eat and sleep daily, get a year older, etc. Don't get me wrong! I still fully support that theory! But I think I've come up with something better.

I call them "Retro Resolutions." Instead of setting expectations at the beginning of the year, I'm going to look back on the previous year and make a list of the resolutions that I would have succeeded in had I made them the year before.

Let's try it! Here are my Retro Resolutions for 2011:

- Lose 7 lbs. (Yes, I actually did. Go figure.)
- Attend an NBA game.
- Remain single. (Not even a close call. Total Success!)
- Learn to play the harmonica. (This one I'm actually kind of proud of... though I've got some improvement to make.)
- Win an iPad2 at a work party.
- Don't go completely broke.
- Start a new job.
- Quit said job for a better position with the previous job.
- Break my addiction to Diet Coke. (I still drink it... but I don't NEED to drink it!)
- Make a quilt.
- Join a gym. (I don't really go, but the option is there.)
- Turn 26. (Done and done.)
- Continue to be awesome.

Okay, okay... I could go on, but it's starting to sound a lot like the goals I made for the year in the first place. My point is that perhaps it's more beneficial to look back and recognize what I actually accomplished rather than realize that I didn't accomplish what I had hoped to.

Happy goal-setting/accomplishment-recognizing (whichever you may prefer) to you all!!
And Happy New Year.

Laser Tag

I finally did it! And by that I mean I crossed something off of my bucket list. Fun fact about me: One of my greatest fears is being chased. (No, not being chaste. I'm okay with that one.) There's something about having someone after me that causes a great deal of anxiety... even if it's just a game.

On the flip side, I've always wanted to play laser tag, but it made me nervous just to think about it. (I'm also super cheap sometimes... but we don't need to discuss that.) Last month for a ward activity at church, they had laser tag at a park nearby. Thinking it would be the cheap Nerf equipment we went to check it out.







It was legit. (Kids use that word these days.)

I have to say it was a little unnerving how satisfying it was to shoot at my peers and hear my gun report "That's a kill!" What does that say about me?

"Play laser tag" will be replaced by "Attend an OKC Thunder Game" on the Everlasting Bucket List.

Winds, Waves and Wheels

Confession: For quite some time I've very much wanted to become a Roller Derby Girl. (I even have my name picked out, but I can't tell you what it is for fear it may be stolen.) Skating happens to be one of my talents and I often enjoy some fierce competition (except in terms of dating, but that's another topic altogether.)
Last night I went with my sister to the championship match between the Coffin Draggers and the Runaway Brides. Somewhere between jams I realized that this will likely be added to my list of dreams that never came to fruition. Partially because I don't think I can pull off the little outfits. (I'm very anti-public wedgie.)


This afternoon in Relief Society, the teacher had us write down the things we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of the girls probably wrote down things like "doctor" or "teacher." My list looks like this:

- Miss America
- marine biologist
- one of Barker's Beauties
- circus performer
- Olympic gymnast
- jet pilot
- tall

Basically, I set myself up for disappointment. The only plausible possibility was marine biologist and, as it turns out, I'm terribly afraid of sharks.

Now I'm not saying. "Let's all cry for Ami," but I am still single with a less-than-ideal career path living with three other chicks (which I love, in case they're reading) and have little money. Not quite where I imagined myself at 26.

Today we sang a hymn in church (painfully slowly) that says, "Be still, my soul. The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below." It was kind of a nice reminder to me that Someone is still in charge. Luckily for me, this Someone knows and cares about me and probably has better ideas for my life than knee pads and tiny shorts.
"...and that is an encouraging thought."**



**Yes, I made another Lord of the Rings reference. I don't know why I'm single.

Grown Up Birthday List by Ami Blamires (No, not Amy Grant)

As we get older, we come to realize the things in life that really matter. Things like birthday gifts and big celebrations seem unimportant. Age is, after all, just a number, right?

I could not disagree more. I've decided that aging quietly is the worst idea ever. I would like everyone to know that in precisely two weeks, I will be celebrating another year survived in mortality. And, since there's nothing good about entering my late mid-twenties, I've compiled the following list of worldly items that may ease my passing:

- A garlic press.
- A Magic 8 Ball.
- A fancy hummingbird feeder.
- A toaster.
- A grapefruit knife.
- Glow bracelets.
- A Scentsy Plug-In. (Camu Camu is my favorite.)
- An aloe vera plant.
- Twister.
- A white orchid. (I'll try not to kill this one. Uh... it could even be fake.)
- Sour worms.
- A bobblehead of myself.
- A good flashlight.
- A John Wayne refrigerator magnet.
- A strobe light.
- An air pump.
- A lover.

Just a few quick, affordable ideas for my adoring fans. Happy Almost-My-Birthday to you all!

Shall We Not Go On...?

Okay, I realize my blog has been a bit of a downer lately. I promise I'm not having a serious crisis of faith or anything... these little blurbs just seem to be the only "blogworthy" things that come to mind.

That being said, I have had a great deal of anxiety and doubt lately regarding the direction of my life. Getting restless at work, homesick, indignant about my social life... that sort of thing.

Today I had a distinct impression. This doesn't happen to me often. I was thinking about Emma Smith in her early years married to Joseph. Never having seen the plates... being ridiculed by her own father... feeling as if she was somehow unfit in the eyes of the Lord. The 25th chapter of the Doctrine and Covenants is a revelation given to her during this time. He told her not to worry about the things she hadn't seen, but to focus on what He needed her to do.

The chapter is not full of frilly consolations. The Lord simply puts Emma to work. She was given assignments that He knew would help her faith and strengthen her testimony.

Obviously my questions are not the same as Emma's were, but the answer, I believe, is the same. Work. Of course I would love to be told "Hey, here's the man of your dreams and a graduate program!" Instead I realize that I need to stop trying to fill in the blanks and get busy. I've been given responsibilities and can only expect greater responsibility to come.

In order to increase strength in any aspect, an increase in work is required.
Obviously as an Exercise and Sports Science major, this concept is familiar to me. Perhaps I should have thought of that before I said my prayers. :)

Stop worrying and get to work.

The Motions

There's something I often hear said in church meetings and spiritual thoughts that sounds to me a lot like nails on a chalkboard.
"It's not enough just to go through the motions."

Sometimes it is.

Moses was given the 10 Commandments with which to guide the Israelites. Today we have set of 15 questions with which to gauge our own personal worthiness. These are the basic requirements for righteous living. Sure it's great to "go the extra mile" when we can. But the thing about that extra mile is that if it was a requirement, it wouldn't be "extra."

Please don't misunderstand. I don't mean to say that we shouldn't be doing all that we can to help those around us and be the best Christians we can be. But I've definitely had times in my life when all I could do was go through the motions. I've seen it in the lives of people I love. We are promised in the scriptures that "all we can do" is enough.

I may not always be a saint, but during times when my emotional stamina is running low, I can go to church. I can say my prayers. I can do what I need day-to-day to get along. I can keep the commandments. I can stay worthy. Sometimes the least we can do is also the most we can do, and during those times I believe that it's enough.