Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Failure to Plan

Yesterday, while closing up at work, a kamikaze dove flew into the glass door about a foot from my face.  I first screamed, then cried as I watched it slowly die on the ground next to me.  I walked away after a minute feeling extremely shaken.

This morning I was reading about different omens on the Internet.  What does it mean when a dove (the symbol of love and peace) murders itself right in front of you?!  Putting my mind at ease, a coworker decided that maybe there was some reason I needed to stay at work a minute longer that day.  Some purpose for that glitch in my plan that I may never know...

I share this disturbing little anecdote because it illustrates things that have been on my mind on a larger scale lately.  If there's anything I've learned about plans, it's that they change... and that most often it's disappointing. Even heartbreaking.

I've thought a lot lately of those moments... those changes-of-plan... the rifts in the continuum of my life that have brought me to this point.  Things like:


A trip to the mailbox revealing the 'small envelope' from the university I planned to attend.
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The last text message to the person I had intended to marry.
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The heartbreaking phone call from a sister that somehow let me know that everything had changed.


That's about the time I stopped making plans. Big plans anyway.  The funny thing is that when I think about the last four (unplanned) years, they seem like the most fulfilling and character-building years of my life.  I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Maybe sometimes the disappointments have a purpose. My new plan? Not to have a plan. 

I'm clearly not the one in charge.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Stars Said to Tell You...

I decided today was a day for me to only do things I love to do. My activities included but were not limited to the following:
- Making paper snowflakes
- Watching Lifetime Christmas movies
- Playing Dance Dance Revolution
- Eating my own fine cuisine
- Going to the movie theater

The perfect day, right? Meh. Not so much. The problem was that I did all of my favorite things... all by myself. Less happy. Serendipitously, my horoscope for today (oh come on, we all have our quirks) reads:

This is an important day for you to give thanks for all that you have, Leo. Give your loved ones extra hugs and let them know how much they mean to you. If things start to get a bit too serious and somber, you're the one who can pull others out of the rut. There is no need to be sad when you have so much to be happy about.

It's difficult to give extra hugs and kisses to people you don't often get to see, so I'd like to tell you all about 7 of my very favorite people and why I like them.

My Dad is great at what he does. I can't recall a single time he's raised his voice. He always seems to have something to work on, and only sits down to watch television if he's exercising or writing in his journal. (I think I'm beginning to take after him.) He's great at giving advice, but usually only when it's asked for. I've always hated disappointing my dad. Something about those big, dark, puppy eyes. He's always been a great example and teacher. He also likes my mom. A lot. I know because he always tells her right in front of the rest of us.

My Mom is one of the most giving people I know. When I was younger, she had a calling in the church which obligated her to take care of a certain lady in the ward. To me it seemed an enormous inconvenience to her. A year or so later she had received a different calling and I found her fussing over some project for this woman. I made the mistake of commenting that she was no longer responsible for her. My mom taught me that it was her responsibility as a friend and a human being to care for this individual. I won't forget that. I know she's given more than I'll ever know to help me.

My brother Chris is always there for me. From Kermit the Frog voices when I was little to board games now, he's always been able to make me smile. (Actually, the Kermit voice would probably still work!) I love having him on my team. Chris is in large part responsible for my appreciation of football and 80's music. I greatly miss him and his wonderful family when they're away.

My brother Derek is someone I've always looked up to. He taught me to spit and how to play soccer. I used to love watching him work on his art projects. I hated it when he moved away. He's always been a great example to me. I admire him still, and value his opinion more than that of anyone I know. (I should add that I love his family, too!)

When I was younger I always wanted to be my sister Brenda. She had the coolest clothes and makeup and friends. I was so excited when I could finally wear her shoes. She was the first to show me how to wear makeup, and continues to show me up in that department! It's an art really! Brenda has many, many talents and the cutest/funniest little family. In some ways I'm still jealous. She has opened her home to me more than once, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Andrew is a very thoughtful. When I was in 8th grade, he was in a car wreck while on his mission in Nevada. I remember that day because it was the day of my very first basketball game as a Lady Hawk. After a very quiet drive home, we talked to Andrew on the telephone. Almost before I could ask how he was doing, he asked how my game was. At the time, that meant the world to me. When he came home, I remember playing games with him late into the night while his drugs kept him up. I loved it. He's a wonderful guy with a whole lot to offer.

April and I go way back! Okay -- As the youngest I guess I go back equally with each... but April and I were forced to be very close for most of my childhood. Like sharing a bed close. While we argued a lot as kids, I always missed (and still do) having her around after she went to college. Even though I was 3 years younger, nosy, and obnoxious, she always did her best to include me. I was rarely excluded from sleepovers or time with her friends. Actually, I was even invited to sleepovers and hangouts with her and her college friends. I love it when she asks me for advice on clothes and hair. She actually allowed me to give her a bobbed haircut once! She's a trusting one... She's very talented (and will be a wonderful mother!)

I know what you're all thinking. "How did she get so lucky?!" And you're right! I wanted to tell you all about it not because I felt I owed it to the Cosmos to heed the advice of the stars, but because I owe it to the fabulous people who are suckers enough to love me!

There is no need to be sad when I have so much to be happy about.