Stranger Wisdom

I love traveling by air. Not only because it's quick and efficient, but because I always seem to get a good story out of it. My Christmas flight to Oklahoma was no exception.

After finding my perfect just-behind-the-wing window seat, a rough-looking man in his early sixties plopped down next to me holding a jacket in one hand and a plastic grocery bag full of his personal belongings in the other. Before we pulled out of the gate, I was greeted with a loud, "Ya headed home fer the holiday?!" There was not a moment of silence from that point until the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign was turned off in Tulsa. Did I mention it was a two and half hour flight?!...

I decided it would be a good opportunity to collect some pearls of wisdom. Here are just a few of the things I learned from my new friend Eugene:

~ Flying is dangerous and frightening, but more so when there are snakes on your plane. No really! He's seen the movie!

~ There are thousands of ways to die, and stupid people usually find them. Just like that one fella that let the black widow bite 'im... just to see if he was immune. He wasn't.

~ When you've got his kind of system, you don't need to drink any water. Just a cup of coffee in the morning and maybe a glass of juice at night. Water will bother your belly...especially during exercise.

~ However, if you're suffering from heat cramps out at the lake and you've got to walk a mile to the nearest building with nothin' but your dog for company... a large Sprite will not be helpful.

~ Trail mix is practically dog food. Most people buy it to eat themselves, but he'd just as soon give it to the dog.

~ You never know when you'll lose someone you've decided not to speak to. That's why you should never hold grudges... for long.

~ Ginger ale is actually supposed to help you lose weight. Not that he means nothin' by it!

~ He's pretty much the best driver ever. He can go 85 miles per hour in the pouring rain at night without a worry. Blizzards are the best, though.

~ If you're any good at horseshoes, I can tell you two men you do not want to face in a tournament.

~ The KKK is still very much alive and thriving... be careful if you're in Northwestern Arkansas with a suntan.

~ If you are a serial rapist, and he's anywhere around with a bat or gun... he will get you. Unless you get away and die of natural causes later in life. (Of course, that's only happened once.)

~ Just because you win at everything all of the time doesn't mean you're competitive. If you've got it, you've got it. Who cares if it makes everyone else mad?

~ The very best thing for popping ears is a fruity Mentos mint. And you will try one.

I'll stop right there. Partially because I can't even begin to remember everything we "discussed" on that flight, and partially because I'm sure you're all in disbelief that all of this wisdom came from one man. Needless to say, I didn't get much use out of my window seat, and may have been speaking with a thick accent upon exiting the plane.

Great guy. Hope he had a wonderful Christmas.

The Stars Said to Tell You...

I decided today was a day for me to only do things I love to do. My activities included but were not limited to the following:
- Making paper snowflakes
- Watching Lifetime Christmas movies
- Playing Dance Dance Revolution
- Eating my own fine cuisine
- Going to the movie theater

The perfect day, right? Meh. Not so much. The problem was that I did all of my favorite things... all by myself. Less happy. Serendipitously, my horoscope for today (oh come on, we all have our quirks) reads:

This is an important day for you to give thanks for all that you have, Leo. Give your loved ones extra hugs and let them know how much they mean to you. If things start to get a bit too serious and somber, you're the one who can pull others out of the rut. There is no need to be sad when you have so much to be happy about.

It's difficult to give extra hugs and kisses to people you don't often get to see, so I'd like to tell you all about 7 of my very favorite people and why I like them.

My Dad is great at what he does. I can't recall a single time he's raised his voice. He always seems to have something to work on, and only sits down to watch television if he's exercising or writing in his journal. (I think I'm beginning to take after him.) He's great at giving advice, but usually only when it's asked for. I've always hated disappointing my dad. Something about those big, dark, puppy eyes. He's always been a great example and teacher. He also likes my mom. A lot. I know because he always tells her right in front of the rest of us.

My Mom is one of the most giving people I know. When I was younger, she had a calling in the church which obligated her to take care of a certain lady in the ward. To me it seemed an enormous inconvenience to her. A year or so later she had received a different calling and I found her fussing over some project for this woman. I made the mistake of commenting that she was no longer responsible for her. My mom taught me that it was her responsibility as a friend and a human being to care for this individual. I won't forget that. I know she's given more than I'll ever know to help me.

My brother Chris is always there for me. From Kermit the Frog voices when I was little to board games now, he's always been able to make me smile. (Actually, the Kermit voice would probably still work!) I love having him on my team. Chris is in large part responsible for my appreciation of football and 80's music. I greatly miss him and his wonderful family when they're away.

My brother Derek is someone I've always looked up to. He taught me to spit and how to play soccer. I used to love watching him work on his art projects. I hated it when he moved away. He's always been a great example to me. I admire him still, and value his opinion more than that of anyone I know. (I should add that I love his family, too!)

When I was younger I always wanted to be my sister Brenda. She had the coolest clothes and makeup and friends. I was so excited when I could finally wear her shoes. She was the first to show me how to wear makeup, and continues to show me up in that department! It's an art really! Brenda has many, many talents and the cutest/funniest little family. In some ways I'm still jealous. She has opened her home to me more than once, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Andrew is a very thoughtful. When I was in 8th grade, he was in a car wreck while on his mission in Nevada. I remember that day because it was the day of my very first basketball game as a Lady Hawk. After a very quiet drive home, we talked to Andrew on the telephone. Almost before I could ask how he was doing, he asked how my game was. At the time, that meant the world to me. When he came home, I remember playing games with him late into the night while his drugs kept him up. I loved it. He's a wonderful guy with a whole lot to offer.

April and I go way back! Okay -- As the youngest I guess I go back equally with each... but April and I were forced to be very close for most of my childhood. Like sharing a bed close. While we argued a lot as kids, I always missed (and still do) having her around after she went to college. Even though I was 3 years younger, nosy, and obnoxious, she always did her best to include me. I was rarely excluded from sleepovers or time with her friends. Actually, I was even invited to sleepovers and hangouts with her and her college friends. I love it when she asks me for advice on clothes and hair. She actually allowed me to give her a bobbed haircut once! She's a trusting one... She's very talented (and will be a wonderful mother!)

I know what you're all thinking. "How did she get so lucky?!" And you're right! I wanted to tell you all about it not because I felt I owed it to the Cosmos to heed the advice of the stars, but because I owe it to the fabulous people who are suckers enough to love me!

There is no need to be sad when I have so much to be happy about.