Shall We Not Go On...?

Okay, I realize my blog has been a bit of a downer lately. I promise I'm not having a serious crisis of faith or anything... these little blurbs just seem to be the only "blogworthy" things that come to mind.

That being said, I have had a great deal of anxiety and doubt lately regarding the direction of my life. Getting restless at work, homesick, indignant about my social life... that sort of thing.

Today I had a distinct impression. This doesn't happen to me often. I was thinking about Emma Smith in her early years married to Joseph. Never having seen the plates... being ridiculed by her own father... feeling as if she was somehow unfit in the eyes of the Lord. The 25th chapter of the Doctrine and Covenants is a revelation given to her during this time. He told her not to worry about the things she hadn't seen, but to focus on what He needed her to do.

The chapter is not full of frilly consolations. The Lord simply puts Emma to work. She was given assignments that He knew would help her faith and strengthen her testimony.

Obviously my questions are not the same as Emma's were, but the answer, I believe, is the same. Work. Of course I would love to be told "Hey, here's the man of your dreams and a graduate program!" Instead I realize that I need to stop trying to fill in the blanks and get busy. I've been given responsibilities and can only expect greater responsibility to come.

In order to increase strength in any aspect, an increase in work is required.
Obviously as an Exercise and Sports Science major, this concept is familiar to me. Perhaps I should have thought of that before I said my prayers. :)

Stop worrying and get to work.

The Motions

There's something I often hear said in church meetings and spiritual thoughts that sounds to me a lot like nails on a chalkboard.
"It's not enough just to go through the motions."

Sometimes it is.

Moses was given the 10 Commandments with which to guide the Israelites. Today we have set of 15 questions with which to gauge our own personal worthiness. These are the basic requirements for righteous living. Sure it's great to "go the extra mile" when we can. But the thing about that extra mile is that if it was a requirement, it wouldn't be "extra."

Please don't misunderstand. I don't mean to say that we shouldn't be doing all that we can to help those around us and be the best Christians we can be. But I've definitely had times in my life when all I could do was go through the motions. I've seen it in the lives of people I love. We are promised in the scriptures that "all we can do" is enough.

I may not always be a saint, but during times when my emotional stamina is running low, I can go to church. I can say my prayers. I can do what I need day-to-day to get along. I can keep the commandments. I can stay worthy. Sometimes the least we can do is also the most we can do, and during those times I believe that it's enough.

The Key to Success

The other night while I was borrowing internet access by holding my computer close to my bedroom window I stumbled upon what could be the discovery of a lifetime!

All my life I've wondered what it would be like should I ever truly find success. Would I be happy? Disappointed? Excited? Proud? Would I even recognize it if it was staring me in the face?!?

Well, dear friends... I've found it! I still remember how I felt when it hit me. Lost. Confused. Sleepy. Not at all what I expected. (Ironically enough, this serendipitous find was severely impeding my web browsing.) Nevertheless, I'm willing to share with you all what I've accepted as my greatest non-failure of a lifetime. Here it is:

The Key To Success!

So let this be a lesson to you. Success may not come when you want it to... but when you are least expecting it, there it is. You're welcome.

Single Long Enough...

Okay, so this title may be misleading. It is in no way a complaint or cry for help. Recently I was thinking about all the ways that I'm better off having had this time to myself; Things I otherwise wouldn't have learned or realized. Some were inspired by others, some I determined myself... And since I'm a fabulous list maker, you can imagine what's coming up! Here we go.

I'm happy that I've been single long enough to:

Understand that not being interested in me does not make a boy stupid. I love it when someone says to me, "You're single? Oh, boys are just stupid!" No. They aren't. They just aren't in love with me, and that's okay.

Learn to kill my own spiders. Granted I may still stop dead in my tracks and stare for five minutes to fully assess the situation, plan my attack, and get up the courage... I now know that I can get by until I find someone to do it for me.

Just be the cool aunt for a while. I imagine I'm much better at it when I don't have my own children to distract me.

Have friends who know me as myself without the association of being somebody's child, wife, or mother. (Good point, Jess.) There is definitely some value to this, as I believe these are a few of my strongest and most lasting friendships.

Decide that being high-maintenance is perfectly acceptable when you are maintaining yourself. I never have to feel guilty getting a pedicure or haircut when I'm not asking someone else to support me.

Realize that being single does not indicate that something is wrong with me. Imperfect people marry other imperfect people every day... and I'm not looking for perfection anyway.

I'm sure there are more, but these are the things that have come to mind. Suffice it to say that being single is not all bad and I believe I'm better off for it... for now.

7 Things I Don't Hate...

As a child, I had a super tacky silver poster with a daisy on it which read, "Bloom where you're planted." Here I am, some fifteen years later, and life has planted me in the desert. I'll be the first to admit that I've been an Arizona hater for the last year. From the complete lack of change in weather to the poor treatment from Suns and Cardinals fans (is it my fault me teams are so much better?) it has been difficult not to shrivel and dry out around here.

In an active attempt to heed the encouragement from my garish childhood wall decor, I've decided to force myself to proclaim a few things that I don't hate about the "Valley of the Sun." Okay, here we go:

1) Sprouts Farmers Market. It's fabulous. In-season produce and whole foods for reasonable prices. I owe my lack of scurvy to Sprouts.

2) My Bedroom. It's perfect. I found the most wonderful shade of gray for the walls. It's calming and beautifully compliments the rest of my belongings. Too bad I have to move out next month.

3) Outdoor Malls. I love that I can get a tan and shop simultaneously.

4) Costco. Okay, I don't actually ever shop there... but the fact that I could buy in bulk if I wanted to is a good feeling. Also, they have frozen yogurt and pizza by the slice! That right there is worth the membership.

5) Palm Trees. Those are fun. I especially like it when they try to disguise radio towers to look like palm trees. So clever and oh, so effective!

6) QuikTrip and Blue Bell are around... It's like a little piece of home, though not quite so prevalent as in Oklahoma.

7) A Few Good Folks. In addition to my brother and sister, I've managed to meet a handful of pretty darn cool people. They sometimes help me forgot that it's 120 degrees, or that it hasn't rained in 6 months, or that the crime rate is ridiculous, or that the majority of the population is generally unfriendly, or that scorpions run around as they will, or that the cost of living is significantly greater than that of other places.

Yes. I can handle the desert for now.

Stranger Wisdom

I love traveling by air. Not only because it's quick and efficient, but because I always seem to get a good story out of it. My Christmas flight to Oklahoma was no exception.

After finding my perfect just-behind-the-wing window seat, a rough-looking man in his early sixties plopped down next to me holding a jacket in one hand and a plastic grocery bag full of his personal belongings in the other. Before we pulled out of the gate, I was greeted with a loud, "Ya headed home fer the holiday?!" There was not a moment of silence from that point until the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign was turned off in Tulsa. Did I mention it was a two and half hour flight?!...

I decided it would be a good opportunity to collect some pearls of wisdom. Here are just a few of the things I learned from my new friend Eugene:

~ Flying is dangerous and frightening, but more so when there are snakes on your plane. No really! He's seen the movie!

~ There are thousands of ways to die, and stupid people usually find them. Just like that one fella that let the black widow bite 'im... just to see if he was immune. He wasn't.

~ When you've got his kind of system, you don't need to drink any water. Just a cup of coffee in the morning and maybe a glass of juice at night. Water will bother your belly...especially during exercise.

~ However, if you're suffering from heat cramps out at the lake and you've got to walk a mile to the nearest building with nothin' but your dog for company... a large Sprite will not be helpful.

~ Trail mix is practically dog food. Most people buy it to eat themselves, but he'd just as soon give it to the dog.

~ You never know when you'll lose someone you've decided not to speak to. That's why you should never hold grudges... for long.

~ Ginger ale is actually supposed to help you lose weight. Not that he means nothin' by it!

~ He's pretty much the best driver ever. He can go 85 miles per hour in the pouring rain at night without a worry. Blizzards are the best, though.

~ If you're any good at horseshoes, I can tell you two men you do not want to face in a tournament.

~ The KKK is still very much alive and thriving... be careful if you're in Northwestern Arkansas with a suntan.

~ If you are a serial rapist, and he's anywhere around with a bat or gun... he will get you. Unless you get away and die of natural causes later in life. (Of course, that's only happened once.)

~ Just because you win at everything all of the time doesn't mean you're competitive. If you've got it, you've got it. Who cares if it makes everyone else mad?

~ The very best thing for popping ears is a fruity Mentos mint. And you will try one.

I'll stop right there. Partially because I can't even begin to remember everything we "discussed" on that flight, and partially because I'm sure you're all in disbelief that all of this wisdom came from one man. Needless to say, I didn't get much use out of my window seat, and may have been speaking with a thick accent upon exiting the plane.

Great guy. Hope he had a wonderful Christmas.

The Stars Said to Tell You...

I decided today was a day for me to only do things I love to do. My activities included but were not limited to the following:
- Making paper snowflakes
- Watching Lifetime Christmas movies
- Playing Dance Dance Revolution
- Eating my own fine cuisine
- Going to the movie theater

The perfect day, right? Meh. Not so much. The problem was that I did all of my favorite things... all by myself. Less happy. Serendipitously, my horoscope for today (oh come on, we all have our quirks) reads:

This is an important day for you to give thanks for all that you have, Leo. Give your loved ones extra hugs and let them know how much they mean to you. If things start to get a bit too serious and somber, you're the one who can pull others out of the rut. There is no need to be sad when you have so much to be happy about.

It's difficult to give extra hugs and kisses to people you don't often get to see, so I'd like to tell you all about 7 of my very favorite people and why I like them.

My Dad is great at what he does. I can't recall a single time he's raised his voice. He always seems to have something to work on, and only sits down to watch television if he's exercising or writing in his journal. (I think I'm beginning to take after him.) He's great at giving advice, but usually only when it's asked for. I've always hated disappointing my dad. Something about those big, dark, puppy eyes. He's always been a great example and teacher. He also likes my mom. A lot. I know because he always tells her right in front of the rest of us.

My Mom is one of the most giving people I know. When I was younger, she had a calling in the church which obligated her to take care of a certain lady in the ward. To me it seemed an enormous inconvenience to her. A year or so later she had received a different calling and I found her fussing over some project for this woman. I made the mistake of commenting that she was no longer responsible for her. My mom taught me that it was her responsibility as a friend and a human being to care for this individual. I won't forget that. I know she's given more than I'll ever know to help me.

My brother Chris is always there for me. From Kermit the Frog voices when I was little to board games now, he's always been able to make me smile. (Actually, the Kermit voice would probably still work!) I love having him on my team. Chris is in large part responsible for my appreciation of football and 80's music. I greatly miss him and his wonderful family when they're away.

My brother Derek is someone I've always looked up to. He taught me to spit and how to play soccer. I used to love watching him work on his art projects. I hated it when he moved away. He's always been a great example to me. I admire him still, and value his opinion more than that of anyone I know. (I should add that I love his family, too!)

When I was younger I always wanted to be my sister Brenda. She had the coolest clothes and makeup and friends. I was so excited when I could finally wear her shoes. She was the first to show me how to wear makeup, and continues to show me up in that department! It's an art really! Brenda has many, many talents and the cutest/funniest little family. In some ways I'm still jealous. She has opened her home to me more than once, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Andrew is a very thoughtful. When I was in 8th grade, he was in a car wreck while on his mission in Nevada. I remember that day because it was the day of my very first basketball game as a Lady Hawk. After a very quiet drive home, we talked to Andrew on the telephone. Almost before I could ask how he was doing, he asked how my game was. At the time, that meant the world to me. When he came home, I remember playing games with him late into the night while his drugs kept him up. I loved it. He's a wonderful guy with a whole lot to offer.

April and I go way back! Okay -- As the youngest I guess I go back equally with each... but April and I were forced to be very close for most of my childhood. Like sharing a bed close. While we argued a lot as kids, I always missed (and still do) having her around after she went to college. Even though I was 3 years younger, nosy, and obnoxious, she always did her best to include me. I was rarely excluded from sleepovers or time with her friends. Actually, I was even invited to sleepovers and hangouts with her and her college friends. I love it when she asks me for advice on clothes and hair. She actually allowed me to give her a bobbed haircut once! She's a trusting one... She's very talented (and will be a wonderful mother!)

I know what you're all thinking. "How did she get so lucky?!" And you're right! I wanted to tell you all about it not because I felt I owed it to the Cosmos to heed the advice of the stars, but because I owe it to the fabulous people who are suckers enough to love me!

There is no need to be sad when I have so much to be happy about.