Stranger Wisdom

I love traveling by air. Not only because it's quick and efficient, but because I always seem to get a good story out of it. My Christmas flight to Oklahoma was no exception.

After finding my perfect just-behind-the-wing window seat, a rough-looking man in his early sixties plopped down next to me holding a jacket in one hand and a plastic grocery bag full of his personal belongings in the other. Before we pulled out of the gate, I was greeted with a loud, "Ya headed home fer the holiday?!" There was not a moment of silence from that point until the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign was turned off in Tulsa. Did I mention it was a two and half hour flight?!...

I decided it would be a good opportunity to collect some pearls of wisdom. Here are just a few of the things I learned from my new friend Eugene:

~ Flying is dangerous and frightening, but more so when there are snakes on your plane. No really! He's seen the movie!

~ There are thousands of ways to die, and stupid people usually find them. Just like that one fella that let the black widow bite 'im... just to see if he was immune. He wasn't.

~ When you've got his kind of system, you don't need to drink any water. Just a cup of coffee in the morning and maybe a glass of juice at night. Water will bother your belly...especially during exercise.

~ However, if you're suffering from heat cramps out at the lake and you've got to walk a mile to the nearest building with nothin' but your dog for company... a large Sprite will not be helpful.

~ Trail mix is practically dog food. Most people buy it to eat themselves, but he'd just as soon give it to the dog.

~ You never know when you'll lose someone you've decided not to speak to. That's why you should never hold grudges... for long.

~ Ginger ale is actually supposed to help you lose weight. Not that he means nothin' by it!

~ He's pretty much the best driver ever. He can go 85 miles per hour in the pouring rain at night without a worry. Blizzards are the best, though.

~ If you're any good at horseshoes, I can tell you two men you do not want to face in a tournament.

~ The KKK is still very much alive and thriving... be careful if you're in Northwestern Arkansas with a suntan.

~ If you are a serial rapist, and he's anywhere around with a bat or gun... he will get you. Unless you get away and die of natural causes later in life. (Of course, that's only happened once.)

~ Just because you win at everything all of the time doesn't mean you're competitive. If you've got it, you've got it. Who cares if it makes everyone else mad?

~ The very best thing for popping ears is a fruity Mentos mint. And you will try one.

I'll stop right there. Partially because I can't even begin to remember everything we "discussed" on that flight, and partially because I'm sure you're all in disbelief that all of this wisdom came from one man. Needless to say, I didn't get much use out of my window seat, and may have been speaking with a thick accent upon exiting the plane.

Great guy. Hope he had a wonderful Christmas.

The Stars Said to Tell You...

I decided today was a day for me to only do things I love to do. My activities included but were not limited to the following:
- Making paper snowflakes
- Watching Lifetime Christmas movies
- Playing Dance Dance Revolution
- Eating my own fine cuisine
- Going to the movie theater

The perfect day, right? Meh. Not so much. The problem was that I did all of my favorite things... all by myself. Less happy. Serendipitously, my horoscope for today (oh come on, we all have our quirks) reads:

This is an important day for you to give thanks for all that you have, Leo. Give your loved ones extra hugs and let them know how much they mean to you. If things start to get a bit too serious and somber, you're the one who can pull others out of the rut. There is no need to be sad when you have so much to be happy about.

It's difficult to give extra hugs and kisses to people you don't often get to see, so I'd like to tell you all about 7 of my very favorite people and why I like them.

My Dad is great at what he does. I can't recall a single time he's raised his voice. He always seems to have something to work on, and only sits down to watch television if he's exercising or writing in his journal. (I think I'm beginning to take after him.) He's great at giving advice, but usually only when it's asked for. I've always hated disappointing my dad. Something about those big, dark, puppy eyes. He's always been a great example and teacher. He also likes my mom. A lot. I know because he always tells her right in front of the rest of us.

My Mom is one of the most giving people I know. When I was younger, she had a calling in the church which obligated her to take care of a certain lady in the ward. To me it seemed an enormous inconvenience to her. A year or so later she had received a different calling and I found her fussing over some project for this woman. I made the mistake of commenting that she was no longer responsible for her. My mom taught me that it was her responsibility as a friend and a human being to care for this individual. I won't forget that. I know she's given more than I'll ever know to help me.

My brother Chris is always there for me. From Kermit the Frog voices when I was little to board games now, he's always been able to make me smile. (Actually, the Kermit voice would probably still work!) I love having him on my team. Chris is in large part responsible for my appreciation of football and 80's music. I greatly miss him and his wonderful family when they're away.

My brother Derek is someone I've always looked up to. He taught me to spit and how to play soccer. I used to love watching him work on his art projects. I hated it when he moved away. He's always been a great example to me. I admire him still, and value his opinion more than that of anyone I know. (I should add that I love his family, too!)

When I was younger I always wanted to be my sister Brenda. She had the coolest clothes and makeup and friends. I was so excited when I could finally wear her shoes. She was the first to show me how to wear makeup, and continues to show me up in that department! It's an art really! Brenda has many, many talents and the cutest/funniest little family. In some ways I'm still jealous. She has opened her home to me more than once, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Andrew is a very thoughtful. When I was in 8th grade, he was in a car wreck while on his mission in Nevada. I remember that day because it was the day of my very first basketball game as a Lady Hawk. After a very quiet drive home, we talked to Andrew on the telephone. Almost before I could ask how he was doing, he asked how my game was. At the time, that meant the world to me. When he came home, I remember playing games with him late into the night while his drugs kept him up. I loved it. He's a wonderful guy with a whole lot to offer.

April and I go way back! Okay -- As the youngest I guess I go back equally with each... but April and I were forced to be very close for most of my childhood. Like sharing a bed close. While we argued a lot as kids, I always missed (and still do) having her around after she went to college. Even though I was 3 years younger, nosy, and obnoxious, she always did her best to include me. I was rarely excluded from sleepovers or time with her friends. Actually, I was even invited to sleepovers and hangouts with her and her college friends. I love it when she asks me for advice on clothes and hair. She actually allowed me to give her a bobbed haircut once! She's a trusting one... She's very talented (and will be a wonderful mother!)

I know what you're all thinking. "How did she get so lucky?!" And you're right! I wanted to tell you all about it not because I felt I owed it to the Cosmos to heed the advice of the stars, but because I owe it to the fabulous people who are suckers enough to love me!

There is no need to be sad when I have so much to be happy about.

So Small A Thing

In "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring," the character Boromir makes the observation:

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing."

This quote went through my mind last Saturday evening as I sat stranded and cold at the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport... awaiting a ride that wasn't coming.

You see, just before boarding my plane in Salt Lake City, I made the horrible discovery that I had left my cellular telephone in Cache Valley. No big deal, right? They can mail it to me on Monday! Clearly I knew little of the journey in store for me that evening.

My flight landed in Arizona just after 10:00pm. My roommate had flown in at 9:30, and I thought I'd somehow be able to track them down on my own. After all, there are payphones still, right? The tricky thing about pay phones is that you have to have exact change, and you have to know the phone number of the person you'd like to call. I had neither.

I had managed to scrape up $.75 from the bottom of my purse. To make a long-distance call, it would cost me $1.00. Calling my mother was out of the question. My original plan had been to call my mom so she could call the people who had my phone so they could use my phone to call my roommate. With $.50 I could make one local call, and the only local number I knew was that of my sister. I had to give it a shot. The tricky part was that my sister was on vacation in Georgie... making it after midnight her time. Needless to say the call went straight to voicemail and I didn't get my $.50 back.

Plan B: wander around the pick-up zone in case they're waiting. This was doomed to fail. At the Phoenix airport, there is a pick-up zone on either side of the terminal. After making a sweep down both sides of the terminal, I came up with the perfect plan! The cell phone lot! That's where you park while waiting to hear from recently-arrived travelers. Surely they would be in the cell phone lot! It wasn't too far away...right?? I had a 50% chance of choosing the right end of the terminal. The first attempt landed me in a creepy, semi-deserted employee parking lot. Walking another length of the terminal and past a few more unnerving lots, I did reach the cell phone lot... only to see a lot of unfamiliar faces in unfamiliar cars staring at me. I walked back.

Final plan. Pull out my last dollar bill and beg for change. This was not only a mental challenge for me, but an actual near impossibility. By now it was after 11:00pm and all shops and desks in the terminal are closed. Finally I came to a shuttle ticket desk. The lady there informed that they didn't have change for my dollar.

This is where I began to cry... just a little.

"What is it for?" she asked... obviously noticing my suddenly pathetic demeanor. I accidentally half-shouted back that I just needed to make one phone call. She pulled out her own purse and found four quarters.

I was able to get through to my mother who just happened to have my roommate's phone number. Unfortunately her cell phone needed charging, so after finding the charger and getting it plugged in and turned on, she encountered some trouble scrolling through her contacts. Remember how pay phones only give you 5 minutes to talk? Yeah. It hung up on me before I could tell her where I needed to be picked up.

Assuming she got ahold of my roommate to tell her I was stranded, I perched myself in the spot I thought I'd be mostly likely to get found. 45 minutes later (after being hassled by three segway cops telling me how they found God) my roommate arrived! Oh joy of joys! Apparently the plan had changed and someone else was picking me up... which may be why I didn't find her car in the cell phone lot. Since they hadn't heard from me they'd given up and left.

The moral of the story is that I now know that I can live without it... but I'd rather not. Also, I apparently don't own a clock.

It is a strange fate....

Man is Generally Good

Yesterday I had the opportunity to work with Habitat for Humanity in building a house for a family that needed a hand. As I was signing in, the woman in charge asked how I'd heard about the project. I mentioned that I'd met the group leader through friends at church and that the people I had brought with me were friends from church. She then asked what church I went to and sounded surprised when I told her The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It occurred to me that I had assumed the people there would be if not fellow members, at least aware of our church and its teachings. Perhaps I've lived in the Arizona "bubble" too long.

I was impressed with the other volunteers and found myself wondering what their various motives were. Sometimes I think in the church we learn to serve out of a sense of obligation. These people weren't there from obligation... just from a genuine desire to serve.

As many do, this train of thought led me to something I read from C.S. Lewis. At the end of his book, The Last Battle, Lewis describes a scene where the children are taken back to Narnia (heaven) to live with Aslan the lion. (**spoiler alert** Everyone dies at the end. Don't cry... it's a happy ending.) When they arrive, one of the soldiers of Calormen has also been taken to Narnia. The soldier describes what happened when he found himself there and met the Lion:

"Then I fell at his feet and thought, Surely this is the hour of death, for the Lion (who is worthy of all honour) will know that I have served Tash all my days and not him. Nevertheless, it is better to see the Lion and die than... to live and never have seen him. But the Glorious One bent down his golden head and touched my forehead with his tongue and said, 'Son, thou art welcome.' But I said, 'Alas, Lord, I am no son of thine but the servant of Tash.'
He answered, 'Child all the service thou hast done unto Tash, I account as service done to me... Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites -- I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done unto him... unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.'

I've spent a lot of my life being a cynic... always assuming the worst of people. It has come to my attention that this way of thinking has profited me nothing. In fact, I'm sure I've missed numerous opportunities because of it. In spite of man's carnal nature and tendency toward pride and selfishness, humans also have a general tendency toward good will and service... no matter their differences in religion, race, etc.

I would do well to recognize that more often.

Meeting Celebrities - a docJEWmentary

While finalizing plans for my Halloween weekend, I had finally come to terms with the fact that I would not be attending the sold-out concert of one of my very favorite bands, Jimmy Eat World. No sooner had I made this assessment when I received a text from my friend James informing me that not only had he won tickets to the concert, but a chance to attend a private sound check with the band before the show. Sold!

So off we went Saturday afternoon, and after waiting for some time were escorted to the front of the stage. The guys played a few songs just for us (and for the sound check, of course) before coming down to sign photos for us. We were at the mercy of a professional photographer for photos with the band... so may not have gotten the perfect photos, but still awesome!

Jim (not zoomed in)

Me with Tom, Rick, and my friend James

The concert itself was amazing. It was a costume concert (what with it being Halloween and all) so many people were dressed up. Before the concert we'd seen some creepy ones, including a jawa wandering around. (If you don't know what a jawa is, it's those little guys from Star Wars that wear the cloaks with the glowing red eyes...) He stood near me for a minute and then walked away. I remembered thinking to myself, "Wow... that could be anyone." When the band went on stage.... sure enough, there was Rick the jawa on bass!

He'd been right there...

Anyway, it was a lot of fun to see the guys dressed up. They played a great show (and long... nearly two hours of JEW!) Definitely the best Halloween party I've ever been to!

____

"Meet a Celebrity" has been replaced with "Play Laser Tag" on the Everlasting Bucket List.

Losing Sleep

Here I am again... 1:00am. A mere 5 hours from the time I need to get up and begin another exciting day in the life of Ami. I thought this would be an appropriate time for this particular musing.

A few months ago, someone spoke in church about discovering what keeps us up at night. His idea was that this would help us identify our most prominent personal obstacles or challenges. Tonight as I lay sleepless, I have made a list (since I'm great at making lists) of my most common snooze-robbing culprits.

1. Reviewing events of the day, whether good or ill.
2. Fear of having a dream involving the loss of all of my teeth. This is quite literally my worst nightmare. It visits me at least once a week.
3. Neighbors/Roommates. Nothing more to say here.
4. Caffeinated painkillers. I'm a firm believer that if Midol can't fix it, it doesn't exist. Except, of course, for insomnia.
5. Concerns for my future.
6. Regrets from my past.
7. Anxieties about current happenings. (Work, family, relationships, politics...)
8. Heartburn. Thank you, family, for the acid reflux.
9. Frustration regarding my inability to sleep. Counterproductive.
10. Miscellaneous. This is the category for all the dumb things like to-do lists and obnoxious song lyrics that keep my mind from winding down properly.

A certain friend of mine would just tell me to take an Ambien. Maybe, though, there are things to learn about myself when I have nobody else to talk to.

Perfection... O.B.O.

I've noticed a question popping up frequently lately... from family, friends, coworkers, and clients (who love to delve into my personal life.)

What are you looking for in a man?

To which I usually reply, "I don't know," or "I'll know when I find it." The truth, however, is that neither of these responses are accurate. I have an idea of what I want, but probably wouldn't recognize it if it was staring me in the face. (Besides that I don't like to be stared at.. so this would be a total turn-off.) It occurred to me that part of the reason for all the confusion is a contradiction in messages that have been programmed into my head for some time.

"You're not going to find your perfect man."
vs.
"Don't ever settle, girl!"

In an attempt to satisfy both, I've formulated a checklist. Apparently there isn't a soul on this planet who meets all of these ideals, but if I find anything remotely close, I'll take it.
Here we go:

~ OFFICIAL PERFECT-FOR-AMI CHECKLIST ~

_ Weighs more than I do. (Yes, this is important.)
_ Enjoys watching college football.
_ Not completely repulsed by reptiles. (Lyle wouldn't have it.)
_ Appreciates playing and/or watching basketball.
_ Will play catch with me upon request.
_ Plays or has played in a band. (Not marching.)
_ Is proud of my DanceDanceRevolution skills rather than embarrassed.
_ Dresses decently.
_ Does not have a completely inappropriate sense of humor.
_ Likes to sing. (Whether he's good at it or NOT.)
_ Has a motivation towards something beyond Playstation, XBox, or Nintendo.
_ Capable of changing brake pads and oil filters.
_ If he likes country music, neither Big&Rich nor Toby Keith are in his top 5.
_ If he likes hip hop music, neither Outkast nor Lil Wayne are in his top 5.
_ If he likes alternative music, Nickelback is not in his top 100...thousand. (Non-negotiable.)
_ Not a jerk when driving.
_ Minimal ear hair.
_ Not addicted to pornography. (Harder to find than you would think.)
_ Mild tempered.
_ Likes me. A whole lot.

And then of course he has to be a generally good guy with a strong testimony and respect for women. If I could get a majority of these things, that would be perfect enough for me.

Am I reaching for the stars here?!?

Hot Mess?

Every once in a while, I find myself doing alright...getting things done, looking fabulous, etc. It's usually during one of these fleeting moments that I choose to proclaim to the world that I, in fact, have nothing together.

There was the time I spilled Coke in my lap just before getting off a plane, then having to walk through the airport and wait for my ride with a wet crotch. Then there was the time I scored a lead roll in a girls' camp skit and somehow managed to flash the church leaders right in the middle of it.

This afternoon we had a dinner immediately following our church meetings. I was asked to bring a lasagna. I got up this morning, put the lasagna in the oven (since it needed to bake for a few hours), and managed to time it just right. I was showered and ready for church with a few minutes to spare on the timer. I carefully situated the casserole in my car so it wouldn't slide around. Off to the church I went!

In my four inch heels, I grabbed my purse, my notebook, my scripture case, and still managed to balance the lasagna tray on my fingertips. When I reached the door of the chapel, nobody was close enough to get the door. I noticed I had a free left pinkie. Why couldn't I open it myself? I'd managed everything else so beautifully. I realized that there was a good reason not to try it as my lasagna landed (ride side up, luckily) on the sidewalk. In the panic that followed, I hurriedly trip to get what hadn't splattered back in the pan, I burned my hand. Of course.

A few good friends cleaned up the cheese glob on the sidewalk as I iced my hand in the kitchen and tried to make what was left look somewhat edible.

Was this a tragic event? No. Simply a reinforcement of the fact that I am a mess.

In the Raw... (no nudity)

Well, I did it. On August the 17th, 2010... I ate sushi. With the help and savvy of my good friend Jessica, I've actually accomplished a goal from the Everlasting Bucket List. This occasion was monumental enough to warrant photographic proof.


This is the sushi from a restaurant called Koni Grill. Looks okay, right!?


This is my mentor giving me the chopsticks tutorial.
And this...


Is me taking my first bite ever of sushi!


The verdict:
Sushi is disgusting. The textures, the flavors (or sometimes lack thereof) were a little off for me. there were a lot of things on the menu I would much rather have had. Will I ever have sushi again? It's safe to say it wouldn't be my idea. I'm definitely glad to have the experience! Thanks, Jess!


"Eat Sushi' has been replaced with "Get a Spray Tan" on the list.

Truly Everlasting

So... some of you may recall the unveiling of the ever-so-clever "Everlasting Bucket List." Some of you may even have been thinking, "Wait, wasn't the idea that Ami would be working toward accomplishing those goals, all the while replacing them with new goals? What's the hold-up?"

Short answer: I'm lame.

Long answer: Some of these goals are much more impossible than they seem. Let me give you a few examples of the roadblocks along my way.

1) I've been growing poorer with each passing month. With just this one excuse I can wipe out "Take a dance class," "Play the harmonica," "Visit New York," "See Versailles," "Get a Passport," and "Get a massage."

2) I live in the desert and it's summertime. This removes "Snowboard," "Go rock climbing," and "Camp in the mountains."

3) A few of them are very obscure. I've done some serious searching and have not found any record of a "Gunther" anywhere in the state of Arizona.
Also, apparently the only places to legally hold a koala are actually in Australia. Did I mention I'm broke?!

4) Some are just out of my hands. This includes "Meet a celebrity," and "Win some money." Although a girl at church this week told us all how the singer of Linkin Park walked into Subway the other day. I go there all the time! I guess I'm just one of those people that are in the right place at the wrong time. *Sigh*

That pretty much covers them all... except for "Eat Sushi." The problem with this one is that when I decide it's dinnertime, I almost never think about raw fish. As soon as I find the motivation to choke down some slimy seafood, you'll all be the first to hear about it.

All in good time. I guess I just didn't expect the list to be quite so everlasting!

Cry Baby

I recently had an interesting weekend. I don't consider myself to be an overly emotional individual, but I did a surprising amount of crying during these few days. In contemplation of my irrational waterworks, I decided to make a mental list of things that do and don't make me cry. This mental note has blossomed into a somewhat not-well-thought-out blog post. Here we go.

Things that DO make me cry:

1. Patriotic Music. If it mentions pilgrims' pride, patriot dreams, or bombs... I'm bawling.
2. Christmas. It has always been depressing for me, and not in a magical way. Still haven't quite put my finger on that one.
3. Ambulances. These are a cruel reminder that someone somewhere is always in trouble and needs help. Sometimes I even feel guilty for being fine.
4. Home Videos. Life was so much simpler back then... I was cute and everyone loved me.
5. Worldwide Sporting Events. The Olympics, World Cup, X Games. Can't get enough. I should have worked harder as a child to become great. Now I can only be great at spectating... and ogling athletes.
6. Unlikely Sad Scenarios I make up in my mind when I don't know what's really going on. I'm a serious worrier.

Things that DO NOT make me cry:

1. Movies about Dying Animals. Old Yeller, Marley & Me, etc. Seriously?!... Remember in Where the Red Fern Grows how everyone cries when the dogs die, but nobody wells up when the kid falls on his own ax in the forest? There's something seriously wrong with that picture.
2. Nicholas Sparks stories. I don't feel I need to explain this one.
3. Graduation. Never have I met a graduation that could bring me to tears. Good riddance! Bring on the next era.
4. Weddings. Maybe I'm just not romantic enough.

There are many things that would fit into one or the other of these categories that might surprise people. These are just the ones I came up with this weekend. Yay for inner reflection.

The Whole Dam Story (explicit)

This Memorial Day weekend, I drove up to Las Vegas from Phoenix to visit one of my college roommates. I've been asked to recount the events of that drive in a blog post. Warning:: Some material may not be suitable for children.

The drive consists of approximately 6 hours of surprisingly lovely desert landscapes and sparse plant life. This particular trip, I was blessed with an extra hour of lovely desert landscapes and sparse plant life. But I'm getting ahead of myself! Let's back up a few hours.

It all began on a beautiful Saturday morning. I loaded my car, checked my tires, filled up with gas, grabbed a gigantic Powerade and beef jerky and off I went. Together with a GPS borrowed from my sister, I was unstoppable. For the first few hours anyway. (Did I mention the gigantic Powerade?) When I finally stopped for a break, I tucked the GPS into my bag and went inside.

Side note: Public restrooms are a unique place. Second only to the notorious crowded elevator, a crowded public restroom has an extremely high risk of awkward silence. Back to the story.

It was at one of these uncomfortably silent moments in the stall that the woman inside the GPS in my purse firmly stated, "Lost satellite signal. Recalculating." She repeated it twice more. Nobody asked why my bag was talking. This day and age, I suppose it isn't terribly uncommon for objects to speak to us.

An hour and half (and two disappointing chicken strips) later, I was approaching what I was sure would be the highlight of the drive. On the Arizona/Nevada border, as most of you know, is the Hoover Dam.

At this time I would like to remind you all that it was a holiday weekend. "Prepare for delays," the signs read. Good thing I'd laid off the Powerade!

I've never seen so much dam traffic in my life. I was creeping along at about 2 miles per hour when the woman inside the GPS politely asked if I would like to "switch to pedestrian mode." Even she couldn't believe my car was capable of moving so glacially. I continued this pace for about 20 minutes before I could even get a dam view. (I must say, it's not nearly as big as I thought it would be.) In spite of the fact that it was putting me an hour behind schedule, I enjoyed having a while to get a good dam look. The dam architecture was very interesting, as well as the dam statues and a memorial to those who died building it. There's a large dam bypass being built (in order to avoid the dam traffic in the future) which I got a good view of as well. It looks absolutely horrifying. It seems to be about a million miles above the dammed river. I think I'd rather deal with the dam traffic than risk the dam bypass.

Anyway... Apart from all the dam tourists running in front of my car, it was an interesting dam experience. (Not to be confused with a "dam interesting experience." That would be inappropriate.) My time in Vegas was relatively uneventful, but extremely refreshing. Great weekend.

I did, however, take a different route home in order to avoid the whole dam mess.

Creative Outlet

I have a hole in my life. One that even chocolate and Diet Coke fall short of filling. (Side note: I haven't had a DC in over two weeks.) In occurred to me recently what that need is. In a talk given in the Fall of 2008, Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.
Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty."

It seems like those close to me have already found their niches. I have a sister that makes fabulous custom quilts, a cousin that makes jewelry, a friend who makes amazing custom cakes, etc. I don't enjoy sewing, and I should probably don't need to spend any more time around food than is necessary (though cake wouldn't be my treat of choice anyway), but I do have a few ideas based on my unique talents.

I've decided to present the ideas to you, my loyal readers, and let you decide where my time would be best spent. So here we go. The options I've come up with are....*drum roll*...

1) Intricate paper snowflakes
2) Custom pinatas
3) Thoughtful poetry
4) Paper mache animals

You may cast your votes in the poll on the side of the blog, and I'll announce the winner when the poll is closed. Other suggestions? I'm all ears!

Good Show

My grandmother on my dad's side is one of my favorite people. We shared a love of basketball, Mexican food, and Werther's originals. (She always had them in her purse.) She used to tell me I was her favorite. Somehow I believed her every time, even though I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one she told that to.

Before she passed away, my grandmother suffered from ALS. She had a very difficult time speaking and rapidly lost control of her body while her mind remained intact. It was extremely hard for me to be around her during this time. One thing she loved was to sit on the front porch in her wheelchair when I got home from school and watch me shoot baskets in the driveway.

Grandma was the world's best cheerleader. Every shot I took received one praise or another. "Good shot! And another good one! And another good shot!" Each exclamation had a slightly higher and more excited pitch...until I earned an, "Oh, so close! Shoot it again." No shot, whether good or bad, was ignored. When I finally decided to quit, she looked just a tad bit disappointed but would always smile and say, "Good show!"

I remember thinking it was silly of her to celebrate every shot I took. Looking back, I think she had the right idea. In fact, I wish I had a tiny grandma in my ear to celebrate each little victory with me, and encourage me to try again when I fail. Though I feel I'm better at basketball than I am at life, perhaps if I learn to appreciate the small greatnesses, I can look at myself and think, good show.

Flight Plight

On my way to Utah Friday afternoon, I had just settled into the flight with a good book when the flight attendant came around with the beverage service. After taking a few sips of my Diet Coke, I began to doze off. With the drink on the tray table I sat back, arms folded, to take a quick nap.

As I dozed, apparently I had one of those crazy dreams where you startle awake. Uncontrollably, my right arm flew out in front of me, nearly smacking the man in the seat next to me, and knocked my beverage directly into my lap. Laughing, my neighbor reached up to press the service button as I held myself up by the arm rests to keep my already wet jeans off my soaked seat.

As the flight attendant approached she looked at my face and said, "Uh oh, did you spill?? I've seen that look before!"

Just after getting things under control, the pilot came over the intercom to announce our descent into Salt Lake City. If there was ever an instance when I needed more time to air dry... this was it!
With my head held high and my duffel held strategically behind my rear, I calmly walked straight to the ladies' room. Hopefully nobody noticed my Coke crotch. I will say it was chillier than I'd expected in Salt Lake.

Comparatively, the flight home was uneventful!

Life's DMV

Lately I've been in sort of a slump that I'm referring to as my "mid-twenties crisis." When I mention it, people ask what I mean... but it's rather difficult to explain.

This afternoon it occurred to me that I feel as if I'm at the DMV, but on a much larger scale. The DMV of life. I picture it having a number of windows. Perhaps there's the "dream job" window, the "fabulous spouse" window, and a number regarding talents and hobbies.

So here I am at this giant DMV...unsure which line I'm supposed to be in, and nobody is calling my number.

I didn't even bring a magazine.

Everlasting Bucket List

So... I've been thinking about goals a lot lately. Mostly the fact that I have none. Not that I don't ever make them... Just that I happen to have met all of my previous goals and have failed to make new ones of late. Everything I've come up with is not so much a goal as something I want to do someday.

This is what inspired the "Everlasting Bucket List."

It's ingenious! Each time I accomplish one of the tasks on my bucket list, I remove it and add a new one. Ha! What better way to ensure my immortality!? Fabulous.

I want you all to be in on it. I'm going to keep the running list on the sidebar of my blog. There will always be 15 tasks on the list, although they may change from time to time as I accomplish them. In the meantime, if you happen to think of any actual life goals you think I should adopt, please let me know. I'm clearly in need of direction...

Just a Few Laughs

My nephews Brigham and Hunter went to the zoo with me yesterday. On the way home, Brigham decided we should turn the radio off and tell jokes. Great idea! He and I swapped a few jokes, then Hunter (4 years old) threw out a couple of his own. Here's how it went:

My Joke:
Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?
- Because he had no body to go with him.

Hunter's Joke:
Why did the water bottle go to the theatre?
- Because he had no water bottle friends.


Brigham's Joke:
Why was the baseball stadium so hot after the game?
- Because all the fans left.

Hunter's Joke:
Why was it so hot at the beach?
- Because there were no fans.


My Joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Impatient cow.
Impatient cow...
MOO!

Brigham's Joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Impatient dog.
Impatient dog...
BARK BARK!

Hunter's Joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Impatient turtle.
Impatient turtle who?
...
...
...
Looked in my rearview mirror to see a very puzzled little face. Finally he shrugged and we all had a good laugh. Best joke ever.

New Man in My Life

Meet Lyle.



Lyle is my new leopard gecko. I found him at a pet store on my way home from work last week. Lyle does not like the camera flash in his face.



Lyle is great at being a lizard! He is wonderful at eating crickets. See him sleeping next to his log? Lyle is a very good sleeper!



It's dark because Lyle doesn't like the flash in his face while he's sleeping. Can you blame him?



Look at Lyle's fancy stripes! They will turn to spots when Lyle is big. But Lyle is small. And so they are stripes. Cute Lyle with his fancy stripes.